After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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