SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
