did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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