I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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