You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
