Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
