Pants 0. Shit 1.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
