i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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