Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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