your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dick very happy bro
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
