Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
