I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
