I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had sex on a roof
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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