Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
