we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
