I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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