Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
