He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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