Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
