Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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