Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
