my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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