You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
