Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
