I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
