I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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