Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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