I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
please come you make the beer taste better
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
