No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
