I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
