and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk is not a location!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
