i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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