We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
