If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
