so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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