Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
