I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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