i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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