There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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