literally had 100 drinks last night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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