We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
