If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
