Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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