This is not my ceiling
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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