when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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