my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
