That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
