ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
