I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will pee on everything he values.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
