When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
