If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
