I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
