I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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