Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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