I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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