Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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